how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
