Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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