I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
