CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
