My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
