So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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