Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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