my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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