Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
