I'm really into asian looking animals
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
