yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
