She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so explain again why im purple
no
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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