You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
