I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
