You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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