You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
