So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
