I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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