i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
