how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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