I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
