So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
