lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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