in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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