Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
