she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
