Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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