Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
