i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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