it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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