craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
