..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
