Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Couch. On fire.
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