Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
