so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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