once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize