And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
