I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
