im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
