i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
