I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize