hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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