What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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