i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
