Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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