i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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