I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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