and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
