Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
