I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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