the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
