Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
then he tried to convert me to islam
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
