i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
