I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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