You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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