I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize