Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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