i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
