Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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