So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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