mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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