A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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