No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize