come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
