Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
