You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
