Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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