Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want a musical about memes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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