i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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