I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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