My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
