haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
