Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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