I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
