Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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