He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
