Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
