She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
