Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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