my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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