I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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