so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize