Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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