Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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