watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
