Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
