Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
