quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
