We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
