I'm lost and stupid without you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
